What a fucking pain in the ass.

I suppose half the teenagers on this thing use blogspot just the way i do. To bitch and moan about their stupid emo problems to all their mates, or whatever.
Its pretty pathetic.
I kinda wish i never got the interenet.
I think i would have become a lot more stronger, and learnt to keep a lot more things in if the internet didnt exist.
Old fashioned shit seems pretty great. Or so i thought. I really liked the idea of people keeping things in, and only telling others what they are thinking in dire circumstances.
Its something i try to do, but honestly fail at.
Heck, i prefer texting more than msn, myspace, and the rest of it.
phonecalls are even better.
So dont bother asking whats wrong via msn. Please, it completely shits me.

But, with all that aside. There are some people in this world who say nothing, even in dire circumstances. They are incredibly hard to read, and when you become close to them, its often hard to understand them. its funny how i find myself attracted to people like that.
I suppose thats when i do like the internet. Because it seems that msn would probably be the only way for them to express anything, tell me anything, or let me tell them anything.
I would love it, so so much, if i could meet someone who i could talk to off the internet about stuff, who i could cry to, who would listen, and who trusted me also. Getting to know people without knowing any of there past, or what they are thinking at all can be difficult.

So many things have fucked up lately, and as i listen to already over pt 2 by Red, whist smelling fire, ill go on and say why, dispite just writing about how much i hate complaining and bitching over websites like this.

Coincidentally, everything collapsed as school started. The work load hasnt been too bad, nothing i couldnt deal with at least. My friends, and aquaintances have caused complications though.
Teachers, for one, have completely pissed me off. To the max.
oh
well one teacher. Despite my hate for bullying, i wish i could throw something at her. The fucking witch. She doesnt even teach any of my classes, instead she complains, bitches, and moans to all the students, making things a hell of a lot more stressful for VCE kids, going on about uniform, and all the rest of it. She complains about our immaturity, lack of compassion, and our "selfishness" which she lacks more-of.
Her office is pink, how old is she? late 30's anyone?
compassion? sending money over to africa very now and then does not show compassion. Please, dont bitch at us for doing nothing, when we're stuck at school, instead of being free like you are to actually go out in the world and help people!
Being a bitch, and teaching english does NOT make you compassionate, we are grateful to learn, but not from you.
and last of all, "you dont have kids, you wouldnt understand"
all that matters to you IS your kids. fuck the rest of the world. Instead of being any way considerate, or compassionate, or anything of the sort, you bitch, moan, cry, or whatnot. dont call us selfish, you overage teenybopper hoe.
Ha, im such a bitch. Nicoles probably loving this.
"she probably lit the fire, then flew off on her broomstick"
If she reads this, im fucked.

Still on the subject of school, we'll move onto friends. Love my mates. But of course friendships can become very complicated.
I spent my first week of school stressed out majorly.
Like, pulling my hair out majorly.
After staying home, or only going out to frankston where a lot of weirdos are placed, going back to school, as some "anime goth nerd freak punk poser lame loser tomboy person", its kinda annoying. I think people tend to completely stereotype me as some emo who sobs and complains all the time. I keep a lot in despite the stuff going on sometimes. I bottle a lot up, because the last thing i want to do is to drag people in.
psh. they need to stfu.
I try to be happy the most i can. Usually the situations im completely stuck in kinda calls for the reactions i give though.

School camp was decently fucked up. I enjoyed it enough, but results from it have fucked a lot more things up.


Ha, after having so much going on my mind, a certain guy fucking with my mind too, all i needed was a little push to completely lose the plot.
Having recently had (well, what HE called) as "fight", and upsetting someone close to me, who actually "loves" me apparently, i considered maybe making it upto him, by going out with him, instead of waiting around for the guy i actually liked, who continuously fucked with my head.
After weighing up the good and bad slightly, i decided not to go for it. Plus, asking people out totally isnt my thing.
but get this, some FUCKTARD (;D) appeared out of the blue again, i decided to drink away, asked the other kid out, and stressed for the next 4 days about what i should do about it.
I did eventually dump him, feeling like the biggest bitch slut whore in the world.
I told myself to stop being so ridiculus, and decided to enjoy the rest of the week.
and i did, it went fairly alright, untiiiil yesterday.
Oh gosh, no point in even explaining there. But today was really the icing on the cake.
I kinda dont want to be told "its over", im still too immature to deal with "heartbreak" or whatever.
I really wish it was called something else, it just sounds completely bullshitty and corny.
spending most of my lunch under a table in H block trying to get people away from me, i realised my true friends. Sort of.
I have kinda given up on the sex of men.
i gave up on females ages ago.
so now ive given up on society/humanity again.
Well done every guy who has fucked up with my head.*applause*

I think i jsut need a really big hug. From someone who isnt a retard. Or someone who gives a shit, and who i feel close to. That WOULD be nice.
I need to start being around new people.

A lot of people i consider close to me have their own friendships groups that dont revolve around me. It kind of gives me a cold feeling.
Being lonely is shit.


OHOHOH. i almost forgot.
Being told that the one thing you look forward to in your life is jsut a fad, wont help me at all.
fuck, i know my hopes for being a mangaka, or singer, or in a good band are fairly unrealistic. But, if your going to say that, why dont you just tie me a noose.
For fuck sake people are really stupid.

I wanted to be a better person this year, i really did.
I decided to think people as liek myself.
But ive realised that theres a lot of people out there who dont actually have good intentions, at all.
who are just mother fucking cunts.
and that some guys jsut like fucking around with some chicks heads.
i guess they find it fun.

Advice to some guys.
Dont fucking run away.
Dont fucking flirt with girls you plan to never date.
Dont fucking change in the middle or a relationship.
Show you care - Dont do it obsessively.
Actually think about the chick you "like" now and then. You might notice something.


Lastly. Fuck you. (: