owners manual to zoe (read before every purchase)

how did this blog start you might ask? well, it started when zoe realised she was being to random to make sense of, and was freaking people out more than usual.
so, it gives me great orgasmic pleasure to present

owners manual to...
ZOE!!!!!!!!

now, lets start from the beginning. zoe isnt not THAT random. she just tends to get bored alot. she actually learnt from zee masters. (aka john and alana ;]) so they should take the blame. *gives*

now, i will once again warn you, there are no refunds after purchase. she is to overly obsessive. she'll even follow you to alaska. so beware.
she likes to eat fetuses, and tends to run mocks... IN her mind :]
she cant tell left from right, and will not leave you alone if you are upset.
she is indeed real, not fake, and dosnt like the idea of being a follower. she is always talking, if not take her to the nearest mechanics for extensive repair.
she can be very energetic, but lazy at the same time. and wouldnt turn down a game of football.
she could eat like a pig, but can also choose to not eat at all. it really all depends on the way you treat her.

FAQ
hi, i have a problem with my zoe. im currently pregnant, and she keeps trying to eat my un-developed baby. what should i do?
in cases of pregnancy, hide in the nearest wardrobe, and stay there untill birth. and next time remeber, little kids are a bad idea :]

my zoe is avoiding me. what do i do?
ok, zoe usually dosnt avoid people. she wouldnt hang around you in the case that she thinks shes not wanted around, or you just simply have offended her. in which case, ignore it, she dosnt hate you :]

is there anything good about zoe?
to be honest with you, there really isnt much good with her.

then why exactly should i get one?
cos you love her anyway? :]

I've got a problem with my zoe. She keeps giving abortions to old people. What do i do?
We dont take responsibility. please check our ZOE GIVES ABORTIONS page. :]

my zoe seems to be very obsessed over me. is this normal?
zoe can be very obsessive. she really does care to much for people. :]

how much would this zoe cost?
zoe comes free, but requires alot of love :]

how will zoe arrive?
zoe will be delivered to your house/school in a pencil box. :]

i hope you enjoy your new purchase. any questions please call 04********